I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
