Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
