My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize