Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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