someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The adults are the big ones right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
