idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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