"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
