You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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