I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
