matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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