my mouth tastes like poor choices
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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