Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
