Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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