i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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