Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
