Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
