Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
