A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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