why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
