How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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