I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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