I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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