You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
