No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
