Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
