The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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