his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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