either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
