I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
