I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
