How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like, not good at living.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
