He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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