why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
