At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
