shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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