I have demons in me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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