Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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