Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
