maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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