Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
