No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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