I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
