They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
