is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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