after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
