can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
