I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
