you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I could fuck to npr.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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