Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed