don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'