Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.