Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.

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  (515): He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar. http://tfl.nu/v158
  Replies (54) Good night (2913) Bad night (1181)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

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  (602): I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left. http://tfl.nu/dy5w
  Replies (6) Good night (905) Bad night (4006)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

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  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6682) Bad night (809)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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  (203): Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line http://tfl.nu/4rr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1690) Bad night (5232)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

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  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
  Replies (8) Good night (1486) Bad night (2564)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a liquor store near my therapist

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i might give it a shot.

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  (617): there's a liquor store near my therapist (617): i might give it a shot. http://tfl.nu/u2kn
  Replies (8) Good night (1864) Bad night (751)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS

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  (604): i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS http://tfl.nu/2yyy
  Replies (5) Good night (3115) Bad night (1107)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.

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  (603): Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays. http://tfl.nu/na3q
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (1554)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??

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  (514): can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me?? http://tfl.nu/2sh7
  Replies (6) Good night (1910) Bad night (723)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass

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  (519): woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass http://tfl.nu/kbek
  Replies (9) Good night (1175) Bad night (610)
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  (760): View more from California

  It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect

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  (760): It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect http://tfl.nu/8hkz
  Replies (1) Good night (1026) Bad night (532)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?

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  (386): Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right? http://tfl.nu/g0nq
  Replies (6) Good night (938) Bad night (566)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.

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  (705): My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class. http://tfl.nu/olmr
  Replies (16) Good night (2168) Bad night (507)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face

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  (712): when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face http://tfl.nu/ax1i
  Replies (7) Good night (1362) Bad night (490)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled

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  (706): The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled http://tfl.nu/td6g
  Replies (7) Good night (892) Bad night (476)

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