Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
