reminds me of losing my job
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception