Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
