I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
