CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
