I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
