so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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