I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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