I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
