I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
