Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Quick, to the slutcave!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
