Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
