11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
