There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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