I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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