i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
