Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
