just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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