Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
