i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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