I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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