To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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