I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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