So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
